So, I went to watch my bloke beating hell out of someone and receiving a hellbeating on the weekend, all in the name of entertainment..

Here is my review. :)

Sadly although being Welsh, this was only the third time I've been to South Wales *shock* but it was well worth the journey!
We camped over the night before, and I'm glad that 60's Swinger Shaq Attack and Gallowman managed to sleep through what sounded like someone torturing several children, the offensive sounds of Sean Paul and 230dcb of Nickleback occuring directly outside my tent.. I didn't but that was ok, I didn't have to wrestle! (Plus I had a nap the following morning which accounts for my rather sunburnt ears)
Anyway, down to the exciting bit: The Wrestling. We were delighted upon seeing the schedule outside the pub (''Evil Wrestling - 6pm PG'') and then set about putting the ring up. After that, I took my place behind Rampage to take some snaps, eagerly awaiting the first match. Ring announcer Welsh bloke (completely forgotten his name.. ) built the crowd up and introduced the referee, AJ Logan, before the debut of Gallowman Solomon Longfire. After some random insults to the crowd, Gallowman demanded the introduction of his victim: 60's Swinger Shaq Attack. A vicious match ensued, several nerve wracking moments especially the falling out of the ring onto the concrete! But despite a valiant effort by Gallowman, at the last moment the good guy reigned victorious, but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of this.

Next up was a match between (oh no.. brain has gone dead again.. I'm not going to guess the names because I don't want to insult anyone!) the two guys with the large amounts of Kerry King style tattoos on their arms. This was a very impressive, athletic display from the two. Several times this match ended up with bone crunching crashes outside the ring, to the awe of the audience (well, the ones that weren't the little kid that kept shouting "he's ripped his pants!")

Third match was between the Perfect Specimen(?something like that) and 'Thumbtack' Jack. There were very obviously some issues between these two guys as wrestling simply with arms and legs wasn't enough.. Rampage was evicted from his chair (steeeel chair, incidentally) and this was used with vigour! After a very violent (and disturbingly child pleasing - kids today, eh? ;) ) match, The perfect won the three count and left a very annoyed Thumbtack. Thumbtack wasn't allowed to get away with losing, as he was severely berated by Justine, who was next out.

Justine grabbed the microphone and I'm afraid she said some nasty things about Wales, and then asked what good stuff had ever come out of Canada. As the announcer pointed out later, she must have forgotten about the Brotherhood of Man, and I went there 9 years ago and by golly do they make some bloody lovely doughnuts/donuts! (Tim Hortons) So I'm afraid I don't agree. Neither, it seemed, did AJ (the ref) being as he hails from Alberta, Canada (Isn't that where Benoit comes from?) so he challenged her to a match. Throwing his ref shirt aside to a random person called Duncan who just happened to be standing there *cough*, the set-to ensued. This was a very aggressive conflict, Justine and AJ planting move after move on each other, more and more damage seeming to be done each time. At one point Justine removed the pad from the corner post and despite one small child's insistant protestations to the ref, he didn't seem to hear and this was used to inflict even more violence! In the end though, despite the severe beating he had taken, AJ came out victorious.

Anyway, that was the afternoon's activities..

The Evil Wrestling!6pm and a metaphorical* dark cloud looms over Penarth holiday park. A nervous audience gathers, unsure of what they are about to see (hence the amount of very small children despite the PG advice!) A little heavy metal music sets the mood, briefly interrupted with a hint of Abba, but after a short while, our ring announcer craves the audience's attention to matters in hand. *a.k.a. glorious, painfully bright sunshine.Match one of tonight's event: A 4 way elimination tag team match. Gideon and Pure Lee Class vs Champion Canno Tangoe and Aaron Fusion. Unfortunately I missed Canno Tangoe's entrance although I was poised with camera, as he exploded from the dressing rooms like a human cannonball and went straight over the top of my line of vision. So we have a photo of the wall. Referee Duncan seen earlier during the day made sure none of them were hiding naughty things in their boots or clothing, and the bell tolled the start of match 1. There were many very painful looking moves occurring during this match, Pure Lee pounding out mercilessly on Canno and Aaron. The tables were turned however after he was thrown or something (I'm not very good at identifying moves yet) and pinned for the full count. His partner Gideon stepped into the ring to take on Aaron, and after many wince-incurring moves he pinned him for the three. The bell rang and Canno took to the ring. Although he must have been fatigued from his victory he still put up one hell of a fight. It seemed unlikely, Canno's lithe frame beating Gideon but at the last second he planted an elbow (I think- I couldn't quite see) from the top rope and it was all too much. The bell sounded one last time and Canno walked away with the championship belt once more. The crowd roared and awaited anxiously the next match.The announcer bellowed the introduction of AJ Logan once more. Recovered from his earlier battle with the unforgiving Justine, he stepped up. The referee attached a large chain to AJ's wrist as the announcer explained what was to happen. Both contestants would be chained together and had to stop each other from touching all four ring posts in one go. The winner would be the one who got all four. The crowd wondered who the opponent would be and went nuts when Rampage was brought out. Rampage was attached to the other end of the chain and the bell started the ruckus. This was completely mad. Rampage showed no mercy whatsoever and the match had barely started before he had pushed AJ out of the ring, out of the barriers and into someone's holiday chalet garden! The crowd fought to see the action, the ref trying desperately to maintain some semblance of order. He managed to bring the fight back to the ring once more, but not before AJ was hanged by the chain from a tree, and hit repeatedly with bits of barrier. AJ received some severe chain whipping from Rampage but soon got his own back when Rampage became tangled in the ropes, he was hit and soon was being strangled by AJ. It was clear some damage had been done as blood poured from Rampage's head but this didn't deter him. He fought back with renewed vigour but a few choice hits back from AJ disabled Rampage for long enough that he dashed around the ring and touched the four corners. The bell rang once again to pronounce AJ as winner. Rampage was not impressed, grabbing the microphone to tell everyone exactly what he thought (and scared a few small children in the process.) Third match. The re-introduction of 60's Swinger made the audience cheer and breathe a sigh of relief, perhaps this was going to be a slightly less sadistic match. Oh no. He was annoyed at the lack of crowd reaction during his match in the afternoon, so set a challenge to anyone in the changing rooms to take him on in a tables/ladders/chairs match. We all waited with anticipation as to who this might be. Suddenly, charging from the changing rooms like a ..erm.. pig in an alleyway, Super Pig Man! There was no disqualification in this match, so anything goes, and anything certainly went! The audience was certainly divided during this conflict, some shouting 'Kill the pig!' others shouting 'Get him, piggy!'. Shaq Attack Shaq attacked Super Pig and left him writhing on the floor whilst jumping out of the ring to fetch a stepladder. I'm sure the more DIY minded amongst us were wondering what was going to happen next, perhaps a spot of tree pruning but No! Pig and 60's were repeatedly hit with and tangled in this, the ref often having to dash away from this dangerous steeeel projectile. Anyone who has ever snapped their fingers in a stepladder will appreciate this pain doesn't even come close to the enormity of being walloped with one. A chair was soon brought out and used with just as much ferocity, the loud slapping of steeeeel against flesh was apparent on 60’s’ now very red back. Blood was starting to be shed but even more so when Piggy emptied a bag o’ tacks on the ring. The ref looked on, helpless as Shaq was thrown onto the drawing pin pile. Any question of this not having made contact fully was thrown out of the window (had there been any) as 60’s shouted in agony whilst pulling pins out of his back. A trestle table then appeared from somewhere (under the ring presumably- I must have blanked that bit out) and quickly the Pig threw the 60’s through it. Twice. The damage sustained by the table I’m afraid to say was fatal. Poor table. After all this, Pig dodged the butchers and came out on top, leaving Shaq a very red, bloody mess. The bell tolled Pig’s victory and the crowd booed/cheered accordingly.The audience could not believe their eyes. Big hairy bikers were cheering, kids were yelling, and mothers were putting hands over the more impressionable children’s eyes and whispering threats of no pocket money/being grounded for life should they attempt any of this… Little did this hapless audience know but the violence had barely begun. The final event was announced. Apprehension reigned through the crowd as the prelude to the three way match between Justine, The Perfect Specimen and Thumbtack Jack took place. This was to be another ‘anything goes’ situation, which turned into one of the most insane matches ever! The referee presence was barely needed during this, mainly to ensure no one died, I imagine, and count the pins. There was no gradual build up to this, Justine and Thumbtack taking the initiative and pushing Perfect against the ropes in order to staple him in the head. Oh yes, staples were applied. And, just for the non-believers amongst the audience, a little note was also stapled to him. That would have been enough for most people but no, after a quick recovery time he was back for more, taking some more staples to the shoulder before returning with some unbridled violence of his own. At one point Perfect was thrown from the ring, landing on the hard concrete, before having a metal bin plonked ungracefully on his head. This was walloped several times and leg dropped on by Justine. Wow, things were really hotting up. Thumbtacks were brought out, and used in new and interesting ways, and then came the fluorescent light tubes. The audience didn’t quite appreciate the danger of this, until they balked-then-ran-quickly-away as shards of glass and powdered floron (? I seem to recall it being this from my school days – I may be wrong, it was a long while ago) flew towards them at speed. Children actually started crying at this point. Congratulations go out to the roving camera girl who took a full shower of flying glass and afterwards merely shook herself off and wandered over to the other side of the ring! All three wrestlers by this time were bleeding from various parts of the body, but none seemed ready to give up yet. Justine added insult to injury by literally rubbing salt in the wounds. She a-salted the other two. (Hahaha my wit impresses even myself) More light tubes were grabbed and used to lamp the others with (hahahaha does my wit know no bounds?) including a rather complex set up of what appeared to be a bit of MFI cupboard door, barbed wire and two light tubes, which Thumbtack was thrown into. Other items used during this match were a carefully constructed plastic baseball bat turned from relatively harmless children’s toy into deadly drawing pin personnel injuring machine, and a wooden baseball bat nicely decorated with barbed wire. Justine happily applied both without a second thought, the former especially making horrible squelching sounds as it ripped flesh from Thumbtack’s back. Well, the ring was a mess. Outside the ring was a mess. The wrestlers in the ring were a mess! Amongst this mêlée/fracas/insanity there was still a winner, and amazingly everyone was still alive afterwards (although barely, and injuries were many) The Perfect managed to pin Thumbtack for long enough, the ref trying to find somewhere to bang his hand down for the three count that wasn’t covered in glass or pins! Thumbtack was assisted out of the arena by the ref, leaving Justine and Specimen to hobble out singly. The aftermath was captured on camera by yours truly and is here for your enjoyment. What. A. Weekend. Impressed? You damn well should be!