Head in the Clouds (sheep without legs)

2006-10-25T18:02:00.001Z

I think it's time for this:

For anyone who doesn't know the story, basically the poem tells it all. It is all true (even the bit about the grouse, which I added in because I found it so completely surreal considering what I'd just been through), and I sat in a pile of nettles waiting for the cows to disperse for about 20 minutes. Unfortunately they all closed in on me, and I had no choice but to move to another pile of nettles. My dog kept quiet as the grave which is unlike him! The cows closed in all around me until my only method of escape was through a hedge which thankfully wasn't so dense I couldn't get through. Normally cows don't bother me, but they were all nursing, and a big bull guarded the lot of them.
I ended up adding a further 4 miles onto what should have been a pleasant 3-4 mile walk home.

But, here it is. The Crowning Moment of all my poetry I've ever written ever...

Once 'pon a morn in late July,
a lady took her car
to have a regular service
the garage was not far.

Decided she to take her dog
And walk back home forthrightly.
The car would be all day you see
And mum was still in nighty.

The journey was not far she thought
Four miles or so, thought she
"Four miles is not a distance far
For Bracken dog and me."

So off she set at nine o'clock
To Caerwys garage lo!
Left keys with german apprentice did
Then walking she did go.

Down hill and lane towards the place
they call the fishery
For through that place a sign does say
"Ysceifiog, miles three."

"Ysceifiog is very close:
the village next along,
to where I live," that she did think,
"My walk won't be too long."

Over the stile and into woods,
The footpath said to go.
It pointed up toward a hill,
Where nettles they did grow.

Delighted she to keen observe,
A bird of prey in sight.
But typically as always is,
'Twas buzzard 'gain in flight.

Rolling her eyes, continued on
Up hill, following the sign.
They led into a field of grass,
And cows, but that was fine.

Until realising, to her dismay,
Cows nursing they did be.
Not only that but F**k off bull
had noticed dog and she.

"Oh sh*t and cock and big fat balls"
Exclaimed quietly she,
As swiftly she retreated,
watching Cows who watchéd she.

"Piss off! Piss off!" She did call out,
Cattle swiftly advanced.
Toward her and her collie dog
She nearly pooed her pants.

The exit to the fated field
Was blocking up with cow
upon her 'scape to further field,
Three score were staring now.

Cow and calf and bull alike
had noticed her about.
And all did comest through to see
Then slaughter her, no doubt.

She had recalléd thus a time,
similar to this be.
when her and Emma, her best friend,
Spent all day in a tree.

Turned phone to silent wisely so
then texting boyfriend she,
didst ask him to please pray for her
as she said the rosary.

After a time, unavoidably so
Cows moved too close to she.
A run for it she'd have to make
"NOW! NOW! COME ON B!"

Into the bushes behind
electric fence she did proceed
However this did not deter the cows
Who followed into weeds.

Panting and frantic now was she
And ready for to go
through piles of nettles and thickest hedge
But got through she did so!

She got into a wooded place
and not sure where to go
'til Mister buzzard, crying forth
Drew attention to a hole.

A hole in fence that leadeth to
Another wooded place
Thankfully far from rabid bovine
She thought it was quite ace.

She traversed on past pens and pens,
containing young of grouse.
She couldn't wait to arrive home,
To get back in her house.

Eventually, through woods and lanes
the countryside rolled on,
Never been so glad had she e'er been
to see the A541.

Walked on and on 'til reaching home.
As turning the last bend.
Glad she and Brax had made it through,
This adventure at an end.

2006-10-06T09:27:00.000Z

My entry for Nav's Hallowe'en contest:

I Made This Lamp
Flames lick patterns up inside the green, curved glass.
Hurrying through the streets, a cold wind whips and claims the light.
Turning away from the cruel weather, matches spill amongst wet flagstones.
Darkness closes in, coats the buildings, the streets, my lamp with thick, gloomy paint.
The audible heartbeat of panic augments as cats scream their macabre midnight song.
Finding dry matches! One is struck; the oil and rain soaked wick spits a modest light.
Shadows beget curious wall demons curling their twisted tendrils towards me.
They caress me, for I am the demons’ master. I send them forth.

here's a link to Matt Dinniman's site if you would like to enter the contest yourself.

Not that anyone reads my blog..

2006-09-10T20:37:00.000Z

Well, it's been a long time since I last wrote. My life has been pretty hectic of late.

I found somewhere temporary to live with a lass called Suzanne. She's been temporary at the RSPCA over the summer and has a spare room she's kindly renting me until I find somewhere I can take my orange pets.

I started my new job on Monday, and have been learning the ropes. I have made a lot of notes which hopefully will help things to be discussed when I have a meeting with the managers in a couple of weeks to try and get things running smoothly.

Everyone is really friendly which is good. I am starting to get the hang of things, and while everything is similar to my old work there are enough differences to be making me a bit disorientated.

2006-08-15T17:53:00.000Z

Trying to find somewhere to live..

I'm still panicking!

2006-08-12T15:23:00.000Z

Wow, what an eventful week..

Monday: Got home in the evening after sorting a room literally full of stuff for the church féte, and picked up guinea. She squeaked and wobbled off to the edge of the sofa. Her breathing was laboured and she looked uncomfortable. I picked her up again and sat her on my knee. She got down, collapsed so I picked her up and put her on my knee again. She had a small fit there and then and died pretty quickly.

My guinea. :( RIP Nitro. Sleep well my little one. I miss her badly. Every time I go into the living room I go to shout 'guinea!' to hear her squeak and she's not there.

Tuesday, work, then zipped off down to Trunx's house.

Wednesday, woke up, saw Trunx off to work, had a bath then put on my best power dressing clothes to go to Somerset for an interview.
The job is cattery supervisor at West Hatch in Taunton. I gave four hours to get there as I had no clue how long it would take me.
It took an hour and a half. So then I had a little while to drive round and need the toilet. I arrived ten minutes early now not needing the loo (had found a secluded little spot in a woodland hehe) and met the deputy manager. She showed me round the centre and introduced me to a few staff and some of the animals. There are loads of cruelty cases in there at the moment so things aren't moving as well as they'd like. All cases have to be kept in the centre until such time as they are signed over, or a confiscation order is issued. As the courts don't prioritise animal related issues they are often still in their kennels or pens several months and even years later, by which time most are unrehomable due to severe kennel stress in the case of dogs, severe agoraphobia in the case of cats and aggression in rabbits or old age!

Anyway, that aside, we went for the interview, it was good and informal and we had a cup of tea and a chat. I was asked questions to which I sat there and said 'errrrrrr' for about a minute before answering. I felt like a complete doofus and felt that some of my answers were a bit silly and probably had secured my non-gaining of the role.

I went home feeling like a failure and told my family I had cocked up and never mind, I'll look for a job somewhere else. They had some more people to see the following day so told me I would know by Thursday afternoon whether yay or nay.

I told my boss (she already knew about the interview) I thought I'd cocked up and she told me not to worry and that if it was meant to be, it would happen.

At 5:15pm I had a phonecall from dad, asking me to phone the boss of West Hatch immediately. I called and had to ask the manager to repeat herself after she told me I was the preferred candidate! I could barely believe it and was absolutely stunned! I went back up and saw my boss who asked 'Well?' and I nodded.

I can't believe it! I'm moving up in the world! Now I need to find somewhere to live, as a matter of urgency..

2006-08-01T13:15:00.000Z

I'm half watching Cash in the Attic and Ben Fogle has just said that 'Jenny and I are going to the bedroom for a rummage'. Filth.

Nitro is sitting on the arm of the sofa again and is asleep, dreaming. She keeps nibbling in her sleep and wiggling gently.

I wrote a story for the paper about Gert the cat:

"Gert was brought to the shelter after her elderly owner sadly passed away. Poor Gert was not in the best condition on arrival, as she had a flea allergy and lost a lot of fur as a result. Still, she has had treatment for this, and her soft, black coat has nearly grown back. She has daily evening primrose oil capsules to keep her looking beautiful! Gert is an old lady herself, at the grand old age of 16, she doesn't stand for any nonsense. However, in this age of longevity Gert is eluding the normal lifespan of regular cats and betrays her actual age by appearing and acting younger; she still enjoys playing with her toy mouse, her treat ball, anything she can lay her paws on! Gert's personality has won the hearts of all the staff at the centre. Everyone has to stop by and say hello to her. Sometimes she likes her own space, but is more than happy to sit on your knee when the need takes her. Ok, she can be a bit grumpy, but she's come from 16 happy years with a lady who loved her to having to sit in a cat pen around lots of younger cats who irritate her: The youth of today! Gert deserves a chance just as much as any younger cat. Gert is playful and how anyone can resist that personality is beyond me! Do you have a suitable retirement home for her to see out her twilight years in peace? (As long as there are plenty of toys for her!) If you would like to know more about Gert or meet her, please telephone the centre on 0870 010 1845 or pop up for a visit. We are open 10:30 until 4pm Thursday to Tuesday. If you miss out on Gert, we have plenty of other fantastic characters needing new homes! Especially Tally, the young, black furred beauty..."

Gert. :)

2006-07-26T13:16:00.000Z

Here I sit, watching wrestling from the early 80's. I have observed before that for some reason these trunked, normal-looking men from the UK look so much more naked than that of WWE! The crowd are also sitting still and watching. There is the odd spoken encouragement of 'come on, boy'. Goodness I love being British! The commentator has barely raised his voice to scream about what is happening in the ring.

Nitro is chewing the towel she's sitting on. She is perched on the arm of the sofa and looks squidgy.

Anyway, my weekend. I went to Trunx's on Thursday after work, and made a cup of tea while he came back from wrestling practice laden with burgers for me and him. He's doing pretty well from the sonds of things at wrestling and I am actually keen to see him in another match, I guess partially because the guys were so complimentary about my photos, but also because I am much happier about him not being as hurt as I was worried he would be! Still, the day he suggests a death match is the day he gets locked in the airing cupboard! I can only imagine what Mrs Foley goes through every time she watches her beloved taking to the ring!
Friday was cleaning day. I cleaned the bathroom but didn't get much further due to being too hot. Saturday was much the same, except punctuated with thunder and lightning, whereby I stood outside and received a quantity of said weather, which helped to cool down loads.

Jason and Carmel popped round to deliver an engagement present (and help clean up!) unfortunately they couldn't stay for the party. Wow. That is all I can say. This gigantic box was presented to us and after unwrapping several layers of cardboard and foam, we discovered the content: (I'll put a picture up when my camera has more batteries) a framed gold Piece of Mind disc with an inscription for us. It now has pride of place in the living room.

-I could watch this wrestling all day if it wasn't for the *&£^"&%$ adverts!-

We went to pick Oozily up from the station, stopped off for beers on the way back, and on the way out of Sainsburys car park we saw my dad's car pulling out of the roundabout! That was a stroke of luck. My family haven't been to Trunx's before so I was hoping my directions were good enough, but from there they just followed us!

-oo! Giant Haystacks! Performing a "35 stone 2 splash" on some poor fella..-

We went along to the party and thankfully were the first there, so we could greet people as they came in. Everyone was so kind and Master Williams presented me with part 1 of a guide to getting my own way using subtle yet effective violence.. Lol! There were so many lovely presents and Trunx's folks and brother laid out a delicious barbecue. I circulated so much I barely saw Trunx until the end of the evening when he and Jon performed a bit o' folk. I woke up Sunday feeling crushed, like I do when I've been to a cracking concert the night before. It took me a while to identify the feeling but yes, my engagement party being over gave me post concert depression! I went for a walk to clear my fuzzy wine head and took my family to see the White Horse and Dragon Hill. They went home soon after that and we were going to dine in the pub but dawdled a bit and had KFC instead. We then bought a toilet seat. Whee! I then proceeded to attempt to watch the rest of Wrestlemania 22 but failed dismally during the Triple H/Cena match as I was so knackered I slept for about 3 hours. I woke up and suggested Duncan beans for tea, Trunx agreed and we asked his parents round to have some too.

Duncan beans is a baked beans dish spiced up with various curry pastes, things put in a mortar and pestle and onions and is absolutely delicious! His folks brought round left over sausages and we all watched top gear and enjoyed tea.

After they went home we sat outside and watched the sky darken. It was truly lovely and so quiet that despite the sweary man next door's best efforts, he didn't manage to disturb our evening.

Kendo Nagasaki's manager has just called what looks like Bob Carolgees a 'scoundrel'. Bob C responded with a stern, deep Yorkshire accent. British Wrestling! Yey!

2006-07-12T19:33:00.000Z

Hmm.. Not much to say today.

Other than, why is it some people feel the need to make promises, and then break them, with rarely any fail?

It annoys the living poo out of me. It is so selfish. And saying you are going to do something when you have no intention whatsoever of doing it, lying and making stuff up to make yourself look better, and all the other shit that goes with it.

I don't understand it, and I appreciate there are people like that all over the world, I just wish there weren't.

On another note, I have decided to create some mafiacat posters to try and promote some of the black ex-feral cats we have in. They are all gorgeous, love their mum (the staff) but are deadly when it comes to other cats! One of them is really rough round the edges: 'Scarface' Selog. He has ears that look like someone's nibbled them, scars down his face and a few teeth missing, but he is a gorgeous chunk of a cat. Another, Tar, a decendant of the McAdam clan, is sleek, giant, and walks like a small panther. He is a hater of other cats, but is more than happy to sit on your knee or play with a toy. Tally is the moll, she is a beautiful small cat, shy, but enjoys a tipple of catnip and today tried going walkies on a harness and lead. 'Dangerous' Whiskas is the daring one, always getting into scrapes, the most recent of which involved him getting badly singed after some kids* set fire to a shed he was sleeping in. His whiskers are growing back, and grooming has made his fur start to feel a little less crispy, but this lovely lad craves fuss like a fish craves water. Finally, 'Mama' Gert. Gert is grouchy, elderly and a bit senile, but she is one helluva character who would ensure security to your home as long as she is provided with a payment of biscuits.

*little SHITS I blame the parents

2006-07-05T10:50:00.000Z

Morning.

I have been cooking this morning. We have my boss' leaving do this afternoon/evening and we were a bit strapped for food etc. so I made trifle, and two pasta things. One pesto pasta with vegetables and the other is a prawn and crab stick creation.

Whee! Now I'm very hot, especially as I remembered I have work tomorrow and none of my uniform is dry.

I failed at sudoku this morning too. Ee.

Yesterday I wrote a story about Ollie, a dog at the shelter, with a view to it being put in the local paper (Daily Post) and took a couple of pictures. This is it:

Ollie is an 18 month old chocolate Doberman. Unfortunately Ollie suffered with brain damage, we suspect since birth, and as such the breeder he came from couldn’t home him.
So, he came to stay with us in January, and we are now appealing to the people of North Wales to give this fantastic boy a chance.
Ollie is a dog of few needs; he loves charging round the field, completely carefree, and he could probably do that most of the day! He loves his food and will sit politely for treats. In his kennel or behind the reception desk he loves to play with toys, and these will occupy him for hours. Best of all, he loves a nap, but preferably if his head is on your knee.
As Ollie takes a little while to learn things his basic obedience is still in the early stages, but we can confirm this is coming on well. He is quite strong on the lead but this often being the case with larger dogs, he just requires a patient handler to give him the time and encouragement he needs. His cleanliness in the kennel, however, sets him apart from most other residents, especially given the amount of time he has been with us.
An ideal home for Ollie would have a fairly large garden he can dash round in, plenty of toys, but most importantly lots of love. Ollie returns even more love than he receives and he will make someone a brilliantly faithful companion. He just needs a chance to be your friend.

2006-06-29T19:38:00.000Z

Spent today gardening.

I went to the cottage, not been there in a while and I've neglected the jungle somewhat! Wow, my arms really worked dragging that lawnmower over the nature reserve that is supposed to be a lawn. And we couldn't find the cable for the strimmer, so we did that bit by hand. Until I had a bit too much sun and felt sick so had to go inside!

Then I got home and found a letter from the doctor. My smear has brought up some abnormal cells but they say not to worry (ahahahahaha) it is probably an infection and I need another test in 6 months. The leaflet was very comprehensive and thinking back I have had this before, and everything was fine after that.

Should be fiiiine *chomps holes in fingernails* Sigh.. I don't like things like this. I had two lumps in my breasts, one a cyst and another a fibrodenoma(sp?) (Yes Vampy, I found out what it was called! ;) ) but those were worrying enough! The first one was dealt with quickly, they drained it and it was all over.

The second one, I went to the doctor. They couldn't check me without a nurse present so made another appointment. Mastitis was suspected first so I had a course of antibiotics. It was still there, so I went for another appointment. I then got referred to a specialist at the hospital. After 2 weeks I still hadn't heard anything so I phoned up and asked just when I might have an appointment please. The helpful operative the other end said "Oh, I've just found your letter, did you want an appointment, did you?"

My pet hate for questions that finish the same way as they start aside, I laughed a little too maniacally at her and said "Well yes, that would be nice please," and she gave me a date for ages away. I laughed and said that I had already been waiting two weeks and I was worried I had breast cancer so could she please find something a little bloody bastard sooner? All of a sudden "Oops oh yes of course we have a cancellation tomorrow is that ok?"

Heh. That was fine. A quick scan followed by two of the most painful needle experiences of my life (Sorry we didn't get enough cells the first time, bite on this leather pad one more time please) to get a biopsy of the lump and a further two weeks confirmed it was a fibrodenoma.

And, annoyingly, I can't be alone in this, a week later splashed all over the paper is POSH SPICE FINDS BREAST LUMP and it turns out to be the same thing! Ah well.. not to worry!

In conclusion, please anyone who reads this remember to check yourself regularly.. Doctors are really good if you find anything worrying.

2006-06-27T15:09:00.000Z

So, I went to watch my bloke beating hell out of someone and receiving a hellbeating on the weekend, all in the name of entertainment..

Here is my review. :)

Sadly although being Welsh, this was only the third time I've been to South Wales *shock* but it was well worth the journey!
We camped over the night before, and I'm glad that 60's Swinger Shaq Attack and Gallowman managed to sleep through what sounded like someone torturing several children, the offensive sounds of Sean Paul and 230dcb of Nickleback occuring directly outside my tent.. I didn't but that was ok, I didn't have to wrestle! (Plus I had a nap the following morning which accounts for my rather sunburnt ears)
Anyway, down to the exciting bit: The Wrestling. We were delighted upon seeing the schedule outside the pub (''Evil Wrestling - 6pm PG'') and then set about putting the ring up. After that, I took my place behind Rampage to take some snaps, eagerly awaiting the first match. Ring announcer Welsh bloke (completely forgotten his name.. ) built the crowd up and introduced the referee, AJ Logan, before the debut of Gallowman Solomon Longfire. After some random insults to the crowd, Gallowman demanded the introduction of his victim: 60's Swinger Shaq Attack. A vicious match ensued, several nerve wracking moments especially the falling out of the ring onto the concrete! But despite a valiant effort by Gallowman, at the last moment the good guy reigned victorious, but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of this.

Next up was a match between (oh no.. brain has gone dead again.. I'm not going to guess the names because I don't want to insult anyone!) the two guys with the large amounts of Kerry King style tattoos on their arms. This was a very impressive, athletic display from the two. Several times this match ended up with bone crunching crashes outside the ring, to the awe of the audience (well, the ones that weren't the little kid that kept shouting "he's ripped his pants!")

Third match was between the Perfect Specimen(?something like that) and 'Thumbtack' Jack. There were very obviously some issues between these two guys as wrestling simply with arms and legs wasn't enough.. Rampage was evicted from his chair (steeeel chair, incidentally) and this was used with vigour! After a very violent (and disturbingly child pleasing - kids today, eh? ;) ) match, The perfect won the three count and left a very annoyed Thumbtack. Thumbtack wasn't allowed to get away with losing, as he was severely berated by Justine, who was next out.

Justine grabbed the microphone and I'm afraid she said some nasty things about Wales, and then asked what good stuff had ever come out of Canada. As the announcer pointed out later, she must have forgotten about the Brotherhood of Man, and I went there 9 years ago and by golly do they make some bloody lovely doughnuts/donuts! (Tim Hortons) So I'm afraid I don't agree. Neither, it seemed, did AJ (the ref) being as he hails from Alberta, Canada (Isn't that where Benoit comes from?) so he challenged her to a match. Throwing his ref shirt aside to a random person called Duncan who just happened to be standing there *cough*, the set-to ensued. This was a very aggressive conflict, Justine and AJ planting move after move on each other, more and more damage seeming to be done each time. At one point Justine removed the pad from the corner post and despite one small child's insistant protestations to the ref, he didn't seem to hear and this was used to inflict even more violence! In the end though, despite the severe beating he had taken, AJ came out victorious.

Anyway, that was the afternoon's activities..

The Evil Wrestling!6pm and a metaphorical* dark cloud looms over Penarth holiday park. A nervous audience gathers, unsure of what they are about to see (hence the amount of very small children despite the PG advice!) A little heavy metal music sets the mood, briefly interrupted with a hint of Abba, but after a short while, our ring announcer craves the audience's attention to matters in hand. *a.k.a. glorious, painfully bright sunshine.Match one of tonight's event: A 4 way elimination tag team match. Gideon and Pure Lee Class vs Champion Canno Tangoe and Aaron Fusion. Unfortunately I missed Canno Tangoe's entrance although I was poised with camera, as he exploded from the dressing rooms like a human cannonball and went straight over the top of my line of vision. So we have a photo of the wall. Referee Duncan seen earlier during the day made sure none of them were hiding naughty things in their boots or clothing, and the bell tolled the start of match 1. There were many very painful looking moves occurring during this match, Pure Lee pounding out mercilessly on Canno and Aaron. The tables were turned however after he was thrown or something (I'm not very good at identifying moves yet) and pinned for the full count. His partner Gideon stepped into the ring to take on Aaron, and after many wince-incurring moves he pinned him for the three. The bell rang and Canno took to the ring. Although he must have been fatigued from his victory he still put up one hell of a fight. It seemed unlikely, Canno's lithe frame beating Gideon but at the last second he planted an elbow (I think- I couldn't quite see) from the top rope and it was all too much. The bell sounded one last time and Canno walked away with the championship belt once more. The crowd roared and awaited anxiously the next match.The announcer bellowed the introduction of AJ Logan once more. Recovered from his earlier battle with the unforgiving Justine, he stepped up. The referee attached a large chain to AJ's wrist as the announcer explained what was to happen. Both contestants would be chained together and had to stop each other from touching all four ring posts in one go. The winner would be the one who got all four. The crowd wondered who the opponent would be and went nuts when Rampage was brought out. Rampage was attached to the other end of the chain and the bell started the ruckus. This was completely mad. Rampage showed no mercy whatsoever and the match had barely started before he had pushed AJ out of the ring, out of the barriers and into someone's holiday chalet garden! The crowd fought to see the action, the ref trying desperately to maintain some semblance of order. He managed to bring the fight back to the ring once more, but not before AJ was hanged by the chain from a tree, and hit repeatedly with bits of barrier. AJ received some severe chain whipping from Rampage but soon got his own back when Rampage became tangled in the ropes, he was hit and soon was being strangled by AJ. It was clear some damage had been done as blood poured from Rampage's head but this didn't deter him. He fought back with renewed vigour but a few choice hits back from AJ disabled Rampage for long enough that he dashed around the ring and touched the four corners. The bell rang once again to pronounce AJ as winner. Rampage was not impressed, grabbing the microphone to tell everyone exactly what he thought (and scared a few small children in the process.) Third match. The re-introduction of 60's Swinger made the audience cheer and breathe a sigh of relief, perhaps this was going to be a slightly less sadistic match. Oh no. He was annoyed at the lack of crowd reaction during his match in the afternoon, so set a challenge to anyone in the changing rooms to take him on in a tables/ladders/chairs match. We all waited with anticipation as to who this might be. Suddenly, charging from the changing rooms like a ..erm.. pig in an alleyway, Super Pig Man! There was no disqualification in this match, so anything goes, and anything certainly went! The audience was certainly divided during this conflict, some shouting 'Kill the pig!' others shouting 'Get him, piggy!'. Shaq Attack Shaq attacked Super Pig and left him writhing on the floor whilst jumping out of the ring to fetch a stepladder. I'm sure the more DIY minded amongst us were wondering what was going to happen next, perhaps a spot of tree pruning but No! Pig and 60's were repeatedly hit with and tangled in this, the ref often having to dash away from this dangerous steeeel projectile. Anyone who has ever snapped their fingers in a stepladder will appreciate this pain doesn't even come close to the enormity of being walloped with one. A chair was soon brought out and used with just as much ferocity, the loud slapping of steeeeel against flesh was apparent on 60’s’ now very red back. Blood was starting to be shed but even more so when Piggy emptied a bag o’ tacks on the ring. The ref looked on, helpless as Shaq was thrown onto the drawing pin pile. Any question of this not having made contact fully was thrown out of the window (had there been any) as 60’s shouted in agony whilst pulling pins out of his back. A trestle table then appeared from somewhere (under the ring presumably- I must have blanked that bit out) and quickly the Pig threw the 60’s through it. Twice. The damage sustained by the table I’m afraid to say was fatal. Poor table. After all this, Pig dodged the butchers and came out on top, leaving Shaq a very red, bloody mess. The bell tolled Pig’s victory and the crowd booed/cheered accordingly.The audience could not believe their eyes. Big hairy bikers were cheering, kids were yelling, and mothers were putting hands over the more impressionable children’s eyes and whispering threats of no pocket money/being grounded for life should they attempt any of this… Little did this hapless audience know but the violence had barely begun. The final event was announced. Apprehension reigned through the crowd as the prelude to the three way match between Justine, The Perfect Specimen and Thumbtack Jack took place. This was to be another ‘anything goes’ situation, which turned into one of the most insane matches ever! The referee presence was barely needed during this, mainly to ensure no one died, I imagine, and count the pins. There was no gradual build up to this, Justine and Thumbtack taking the initiative and pushing Perfect against the ropes in order to staple him in the head. Oh yes, staples were applied. And, just for the non-believers amongst the audience, a little note was also stapled to him. That would have been enough for most people but no, after a quick recovery time he was back for more, taking some more staples to the shoulder before returning with some unbridled violence of his own. At one point Perfect was thrown from the ring, landing on the hard concrete, before having a metal bin plonked ungracefully on his head. This was walloped several times and leg dropped on by Justine. Wow, things were really hotting up. Thumbtacks were brought out, and used in new and interesting ways, and then came the fluorescent light tubes. The audience didn’t quite appreciate the danger of this, until they balked-then-ran-quickly-away as shards of glass and powdered floron (? I seem to recall it being this from my school days – I may be wrong, it was a long while ago) flew towards them at speed. Children actually started crying at this point. Congratulations go out to the roving camera girl who took a full shower of flying glass and afterwards merely shook herself off and wandered over to the other side of the ring! All three wrestlers by this time were bleeding from various parts of the body, but none seemed ready to give up yet. Justine added insult to injury by literally rubbing salt in the wounds. She a-salted the other two. (Hahaha my wit impresses even myself) More light tubes were grabbed and used to lamp the others with (hahahaha does my wit know no bounds?) including a rather complex set up of what appeared to be a bit of MFI cupboard door, barbed wire and two light tubes, which Thumbtack was thrown into. Other items used during this match were a carefully constructed plastic baseball bat turned from relatively harmless children’s toy into deadly drawing pin personnel injuring machine, and a wooden baseball bat nicely decorated with barbed wire. Justine happily applied both without a second thought, the former especially making horrible squelching sounds as it ripped flesh from Thumbtack’s back. Well, the ring was a mess. Outside the ring was a mess. The wrestlers in the ring were a mess! Amongst this mêlée/fracas/insanity there was still a winner, and amazingly everyone was still alive afterwards (although barely, and injuries were many) The Perfect managed to pin Thumbtack for long enough, the ref trying to find somewhere to bang his hand down for the three count that wasn’t covered in glass or pins! Thumbtack was assisted out of the arena by the ref, leaving Justine and Specimen to hobble out singly. The aftermath was captured on camera by yours truly and is here for your enjoyment. What. A. Weekend. Impressed? You damn well should be!

2006-06-20T18:23:00.000Z

Dydd Tri..

Wow, what a day! I have had such an encouragement from work.
Going back to my procedures I was writing the other day, I finished them and handed them in (in decorative, posh looking wallet - that must have been the crunch!) I forgot by this afternoon that I'd given them in, and whilst mopping the floor I got called into the office. I wondered what I'd done now.. In goes Sheepy with security mop, to be greeted with the question 'How long did you spend doing that?'
I wasn't entirely sure whether I was meant to be answering that I had spent ages, or that I had just whipped it up in half an hour so I stuttered something about a few days, not sure, lots of research though, which had taken longer.
I was told that it was very good, and my managers were very impressed! I'm not sure if they were just being polite when they told me it was very thorough, but as I rightly pointed out to them, I wasn't entirely sure what the task was, having missed the initial meeting to discuss it, I had no clue as to how much or how little to include, so I included the lot!

Still, to cut a long story short, I feel very encouraged and smiled all the way home from work.

Unfortunately, now my smile has turned to serious frown due to the presence of the television in the corner pronouncing the dismal hour and a half of legal drama laced with promiscuous sexual gratuity that is: Judge John Deed.

Sigh..

2006-06-15T22:54:00.000Z

Dydd Dau

I went to the Cross Foxes tonight with my brother. I drank three pints of Guinness. I need say no more on the subject.

At one point though, we did discuss various occasions where we have wanted to laugh but couldn't. Mostly assemblies and laughing at stomach rumbles but mine in particular is when a colleague was cleaning the tops of some kennels. The stepladder fell down just as he stepped on it and he ended up dangling from a roof beam.

He has a very deep voice and bellowed to me to help, which I did, but he is very tall and was dangling only about a foot from the floor. His legs were waving all over the place and I'm afraid I doubled up with laughter whilst telling him to jump down. He jumped down but Nooo! he jarred his back. Which, made keeping my face straight even harder.. I kept apologising and he answered that he would be laughing too, if he wasn't in so much pain and I'm afraid that was the straw that broke the camel's back.. I had to get out of there! All I had in my head was a picture of a very tall, very thin bloke dangling frantically from a roof beam and I was on my knees laughing!

I am one of those people that occasionally has laugh attacks. Where something happens or a joke is said and suddenly, without me even laughing, I have tears streaming down my face and I am shaking. It happened with a Tommy Cooper joke once.

He was dressed as a postman, and delivered a parcel to a lady. She opened the door and he said "Before I give you the parcel, I just have to play this" and proceeded to play a tape of someone giving birth. After it had finished, the lady said "What was that?" and he answered:
"That was a recorded delivery."

Well, that finished me for literally 35 minutes..

Still, I likes laughin, makes me cheerful, and sound slightly mad. :D

2006-06-13T21:11:00.000Z

Dydd Un
(Day One)

Hi!Thank you for reading (if, indeed, anyone actually is.) My name is a title my parents gave me when I was born. They were trying to be subtler than calling a Christmas eve baby Carol or Noelle. Or Ebeneezer.

Good thing, really, as the Shamen wrote a song about someone with that name a while back and they got into lots of trouble for it; I'd hate to get into trouble just because of my name.

I should, at this moment, be writing procedures for working in the cattery. I am not, because when I have a task to do, I find anything else but that to do. I have to be inspired and at the present time, mainly because of lack of alcohol/migraine, I am not. And I don't want to cock them up of make a half arsed job simply because of lack of inspiration. There is a little bit of competition at work in between the colleagues as to the procedures of whom will be put into place. Not wanting to sound big headed but I want them to be mine.
My reasons for this are sound: I work my arse off in and out of work time, researching things I don't know but realise I should, using my wages to buy books and to go on extra curricular but relevant courses, I have really put in the effort to learn stuff so extend my knowledge. Even this evening I spent ages reading into cattery regulations courtesy of the Feline Advisory Bureau (www.fabcats.org) and looking at the chemical compositions of the detergents we use.

In a few weeks time my blog will read how annoyed I am that I have to follow someone else's procedures..

Anyway, all that aside, I do love my job and hope to continue for the rest of my days in an animal related job. I hope sincerely this does not shorten my life span! There is much still I would like to do.

For now, and to close for this evening, I attach some pictures of three kittens I have been handrearing. They were originally, for ease of filing, called Zaphod, Beeble and Brox but now seem to have acquired the names Runton/little Grey, Pig and Sleepy. They were brought into the centre after having been found under a fork lift truck. The mother was nowhere to be seen. (This is probably because she was undoubtedly feral and didn't want to be) They were three weeks old on entry to the centre and are now five and a half weeks. (Isn't that a film?) I have watched with interest their progress from sleepy, wobbly, hissy balls of fluff with round ears to climbing, playful miniature cats. I have seen their reaction time go from slow patting of a ball to charging round the living room after each other and play fighting. Runton seems particularly partial to my dog, Bracken, and spends a lot of time following him round. If I call 'Kits!', they will wander after me baby elephant style (nose to tail). My guinea pig, Nitro, has met them and finally was able to quench her maternal desire to groom something (she launches regular attacks on Bracken and my cat James in a desperate attempt to groom them and has only thus far managed to groom me, and, briefly the late Smokey cat RIP.) James enjoys the presence of the kittens as much as most bachelors suddenly presented with three small children would. Although, most bachelors might not choose to sit in the middle of the dining table or on the windowsill, but hey, you never know.